So this is what has been happening with me..

In March, I had to apply for a predoctoral internship. Basically this includes sending out applications to a few (or many) places and hoping for interviews with those agencies. It's an extremely nerve-racking time because 1. I NEED a predoctoral internship, 2. In some places I might be competing with 90 or more applicants for 2-5 positions, 3. Some people don't get hired.

For three weeks in March, I was tortured by interviews. On three separate occasions, I thought I would be finished with interviews only to be called by another agency for an interview or be called back for a second interview. I was finally done with interviews last Thursday, but I knew my joy would not last long because today, April 3rd, was the day that all the agencies called the students they wanted to hire. The torture was to begin at 8:30.

Well the torture began a lot earlier than that for me. Last night, I had to mentally rank the places I wanted. I had two sites tied for first place. I hoped I'd be offered one or the other so I wouldn't have to decide if I were so lucky to get offered something. I ranked another place third. Then there were three places that I knew I would decline if I was offered them unless I wasn't offered anything else. I went to bed after 2:00 but tossed and turned a bit before I could sleep. What if no one called me? Oh gawd. I woke up around 5:00 thinking that it was almost 8:30. It wasn't. I woke up at 6:00. Same thought. I woke up at 7:00. Same thought. I woke up at 8:00, but this time I remembered my dream. I dreamt that it was 8:40, and I got my first call from an agency I didn't even apply to that was down in L.A. Haha! I 'held' the offer to think about it. Then I finally woke up but was extremely tired. My friend called me at 8:09 so we could stress together. We got off the phone at 8:29 feeling extremely nervous. I started to freak out a little at 8:31 because my phone had not rang yet.

My first offer came at 8:34, and I was nervous but ecstatic! The first offer was from the place that had tied for my top choice! This was good, and this meant that I was their top first or second choice since they called me early in the game. My second offer came in at 8:40, then 8:42, then 8:43, then 8:46. The other place that was tied for my top choice also offered me a position. I had to make a decision quick because I had to decline one immediately (part of the California Psychology internship/application rules). This is a full-time internship for a full year.. so I hope I made the right decision.. The cool thing about the top choice that I declined was that the Director told me to consider them for my postdoctoral internship, so that was exciting. I hope there are no hard feelings. The Director of the first place I declined sounded kind of weird after I declined. The rest were more encouraging. "Good luck." "Consider us in the future/for your postdoctoral internship." "Sounds like you're set."

I am so excited that I had these options! In the past, I have been nervous about interviews.. before and during. I noticed a change in myself this year. I wasn't really nervous beforehand, and I wasn't nervous during the interviews! I wonder if it's because of the blazer I wore to the interviews. I think it's a cool blazer... maybe clothing does make the person :D There was only one where I started shaking towards the end of the interview, but with good reason; as my friend who also interviewed at that place put it, "It's fuckin' traumatizing." That place makes you go through some mental and emotional torture during the interview.. :P I guess the psychology community just likes to torture us to see how strong we are mentally and emotionally. :)

So if you can tell by now, the morning has been extremely nerve-racking and tense. Even in a time of relief, I still wonder if I made the right and best decision for me. I think my heart is still beating irregularly from all that has happened this morning. Now, I still have papers to write; one is due tomorrow! My semester is coming to an end this April. I will be done with classes forever (crossing my fingers that I will pass my courses!!), and I have a predoctoral internship. I might need to do some of this.. and not just out of excitement, but to relieve the tension that has built up!