I got this forward from a friend. It's funny!

Dear Staff:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we
see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag, we assume that you
are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress
poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy
nicer clothes and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress in-between,
you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a
diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict
3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and
a picture will be taken. After you second offense, your picture will be
posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not
consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed
will constitute breech of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation, and input should be
directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!