I think the 'nice guy' that doesn't become boyfriend material is probably not very good-looking because if he was a good-looking and a nice guy... he'd probably get a girl. Also, maybe he doesn't even tell the girl he likes her. How the heck is she supposed to confirm his feelings if he never brings it up??? The cool guys are the ones who respect that the girl doesn't return the feelings and doesn't bitch and whine about it. Those guys are worth staying friends with! Find my comments to the following forum'ers posts in [ ] brackets.
Bokzg: Yet another one of those paradoxical preferences of women... they claim to value personality, sense of humor, a "good heart", etc (i.e. "nice guy" attributes) over physicality [WHAT? SAYS WHO? WE WANT THE WHOLE PACKAGE... EVERYTHING YOU LISTED, INCLUDING PHYSICALITY!], and yet, more often than not, it's the good-looking guys who lack any of those aforementioned qualities who get the girls. If the guy happens to be good-looking and nice then more power to him, at least it's understandable why girls choose to be with them. But ask yourself, do you hear more girls complain of being stuck with an asshole boyfriend or a nice boyfriend who isn't physically attractive? [WELL, THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY. THE BOYFRIEND PROBABLY STARTED OUT BEING A NICE, SWEET, POSSIBLY CUTE GUY, BUT NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS END UP HAPPILY EVER AFTER. PEOPLE BREAK UP, AND SOMETIMES IT'S NOT SUCH A SWEET BREAKUP, SO THEREFORE, THE EX-BF MAY JUST BECOME THE ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND. MAYBE EXPECTATIONS WEREN'T MET.. SO THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT GIRLS DATE ASSHOLES... I THINK MOST GIRLS GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP KNOWING / THINKING THEIR BF IS A WONDERFUL GUY. THEN THINGS CAN SOMETIMES CHANGE.]
From experience, I think it's clear that physical appearance is a huge part of how women pick men. I don't begrudge them for that, I just think it's lame how most women pretend that it's not a big deal when it clearly is. [THIS JUST PROVES THAT WOMEN DO APPRECIATE THE AFOREMENTIONED QUALITIES. MAYBE GUYS WHO IDENTIFY THEMSELVES AS 'NICE' AKA LOSERS ONLY HEAR THE SWEET, FUNNY, SMART QUALITIES BECAUSE THEY THINK, 'HEY I TOTALLY MATCH THOSE!' THEN THEY DON'T LISTEN WHEN THE GIRL CONTINUES TO SAY SHE WANTS A CUTE GUY TO GO ALONG WITH THOSE QUALITIES. I THINK WE WEIGH THE SWEET, SMART, FUNNY QUALITIES MORE THAN THE CUTE FACTOR BECAUSE WE MIGHT DATE A GUY WHO'S NOT CUTE, BUT WE WON'T DATE A GUY WHO'S NOT SWEET. WELL, AT LEAST MOST GIRLS WOULDN'T. I CAN'T STAND BEING NEAR AN ASSHOLE.]
As to the original post [THIS IS REGARDING SOMETHING THAT INITATED THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION - NOT MENTIONED ON HERE]: Toast or no toast, appreciated or not, recognized or no, "nice guys" will always tend to finish last because of the position they put themselves in. Makes one want to shoot all those writers that came up with this "nice guy" ideal, and burn all the books that make so many guys think that someday that girl they've been pining over for so long will suddenly wake up and decide that they've had their ideal guy as a friend all along so long as they play that "nice guy" role to perfection. "Nice" is highly overrated, time would be better used working out at a gym than being a shoulder to cry on. [THE 'NICE GUY' VIEW USUALLY COMES FROM LOSERS WHO BITCH AND WHINE BECAUSE THE GIRL THEY LIKE FELL FOR SOMEONE ELSE. WELL... SHIT. THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. ANYWAY, AS JAZZY PUTS IT IN THE FOLLOWING POSTS - IT'S ALL BECAUSE YOU WANTED THE ONE THAT EVERYONE WANTS! THE GUY THAT SHE ENDED UP WITH IS PROBABLY A NICE GUY WHO DIDN'T BITCH AND WHINE!]
Jazzy: Well, I think those "nice" guy shouldn't complain because you are going for the good lookings also. If you are not good looking of course those good looking ones wouldn't put you on the top of their lists. If you are not so greedy and just wanted a normal girl but with a kind heart then you wouldn't put youself in that situation. It's ALL because you wanted the one that every one wants!!!! [SO, SO, SOOOOO TRUE... AND IF NOT THE ONE THAT EVERYONE WANTS, THEN YOU AREN'T THE ONE THAT SHE WANTS!!! GET OVER IT!] Try to look around some more and you know that there are plenty of "nice" girls who appreciate your "kindness".
Rif: yes well said Jazzy!
Does the 'nice guy' truly exist or is he nice because that is his adaptation to lacking other attributes that gals could be drawn to? Perhaps they are not nice by choice but because that's what they have to do to get at least some access to the girl. Could it be that these nice guys aren't being true to themselves and if they let out a bit of bad behavior to show that they are human and not just a one stop shop floormat/shoulder/tissue, then girls would be more intrigued and drawn to them. [NO. I LIKE NICE GUYS! SOME OF THEM MAKE GOOD FRIENDS, AND SOME MAKE GOOD BOYFRIENDS!] I would like to think that I'm a nice guy but looking back and how I said/did some wrong things while 'working on' some past girlfriends, maybe being perfectly nice isn't the way to go.
Devipz: I agree with you, Jazzy...
To continue and expand... If he's such a nice guy, why does he have this hidden agenda being nice to the girl but only wants to get in her pants? Let's say she knows he likes her.. then why doesn't he move on knowing that she doesn't like him..?
Why can't a "nice guy" just be a friend? Would a true friend complain about all this? Friends help friends.. listen and support each other. The girls needs support from a friend, why can't he just listen and be just that instead of having these thoughts and plans to get with her. Is he even being a friend when he complains about having to listen to her? Is he 'so nice' because he has the intention of getting with her? Doesn't sound quite so nice to me... A nice guy should not be friends with her only because he wants to get with her.
So when he eventually realizes he can't hook up with her, he stops being her friend - NOT NICE because they've developed something called a friendship, where she felt comfortable enough to tell him all her problems, but all he had was a hidden agenda to hook up.
Also, I don't like guys who aren't nice.
To be continued!